Dealing with depression and mental illness

I recently read a very interesting article titled “3 Lies We Need to Stop Telling About ‘Negative People’ “(the link to it is right at the end of this post and I strongly suggest checking it out) and frankly, it resonated with me so much that I really felt like going a bit deeper into it here. Perhaps that might come off as unusual since I haven’t really touched down on any deep, personal topics yet but I’ve been thinking a lot about the way we deal with depression and other forms of mental illness lately and I suppose that article struck a chord with me, particularly because I’ve dealt with depressive issues in the past and I’m dealing with them now.

I really like it how that article debunks the myths surrounding the so-called “negative people” and the false idea that sticking close to people who are going through a very rocky time in their life for whatever reason and therefore are experimenting severe anxiety or depressive issues is such an unhealthy thing to do to ourselves that the best way to face a situation like that is cutting ties with the people affected, right off the bat without much thinking. I understand every person’s own happiness should be their top priority but does it really have to be that way?? I don’t really think so.

I recently went through some emotional delicate situations that got me feeling very low and depressed and at the beginning, I went through this phase where I would talk very little to anyone out of fear of being a burden to them but even though I’m still struggling with depression because of what’s happened in my life over the past few months, at some point I realized that if I kept doing that to the people I care about I would be doing pretty much what was done to me and got me feeling so bad in the first place to them and that didn’t sound very fair.

The aforementioned article focused mostly on the way other people perceive mental illness and it explained very well why cutting someone affected by depression or anxiety out of your life just like that is needlessly drastic and rather cruel, especially if you call that person a “friend”. However, I’d like to focus on how the people who are struggling with mental illness perceive and accept their condition and what a good way to deal with that might be because in my case, my initial reaction was to close in and avoid any form of communication related to what I was going through precisely out of fear that people who are important to me would just leave me asides if they felt I was being a burden to them because of my mental state.

I am really far from being an expert on these matters, I wish I was so that everything would be easier but sadly, I’m not. One thing I’ve learned, though, is that if communication is important when things seem to be alright or at least sort of alright, it becomes even more relevant when things aren’t; talking about your feelings and what you’re going through during a rough period isn’t easy, sometimes that’s the last thing we want to do but sometimes that might be precisely what we need the most even if we can’t quite feel that way at the moment.

I think making an effort to try to come across our feelings at least to some extent and get rid of the erroneous preconception that somehow we’re going to hurt our friends and family or make their lives “toxic” by opening up to them about our condition is fundamental. Being as upfront as possible about what we’re going through isn’t going to fix anything by itself and it’s no guarantee people would be more supportive to us in any way but just being outspoken about it already makes a huge, cathartic difference. I also realized that the more I tried talking about my depressive problems, even if it was just a little bit, the more I felt relieved.  Just letting everything off of your chest can have a surprisingly healing effect and if, on top of that, the other person happens to empathize with what you’re going through and react in a considerate and patient way then such positive effects will only increase.

It is important to acknowledge we do not represent a threat to anyone’s emotional stability, no matter how messed up we’re feeling, just by telling them about our problems and, daunting as it might be at first, we have to trust that the people who are important to us won’t cut us out, even if there’s a realistic chance some of them might, giving all these “negative people” misconceptions that were talked about on that article I mentioned are rather frequent in people nowadays.

In all honesty, trusting others has become nearly impossible to me at this point for a number of reasons but I also understand that somehow we have to teach ourselves to do it and get rid of the fear that things will go bad because that’s how 99% of the time things are for us. First, we have to work on trusting ourselves and then we have to move on and work on trusting others; trust is a type gamble and like any gamble sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn’t but living our lives convinced that it never will, in the end will only leave us feeling desolated and unsatisfied and that’s simply unfair; unfair to either our friends or family who might be genuinely interested in supporting us the best they can and unfair to us because we cannot torture ourselves thinking that mental illness is our fault or something that will eventually set us apart from the people we love.

Sometimes there are people who really want to help but they just don’t know how and I understand very well how hard it is to tell them how when we ourselves are not quite clear on what we’re feeling and let alone can we articulate it in a way that would make any sense to others but that’s where communication comes to play; communication is a mutual thing, it’s reciprocal and we can learn a whole awful lot about our mental illness and how to get over it or at least put up with it in the healthiest way possible, just by talking and exchanging ideas back and forth with someone we care, there’s no need for greater explanations.

I’d like to think this whole post is a modest example of a way to let your feelings out and talking about your problems; not long ago writing about this type of stuff publicly on a blog would’ve been outright unthinkable for me but I just felt it was a good thing to do and honestly, writing about it for a while felt very good; writing and talking can be way more therapeutic than most people might think and when it comes to our mental health, really, we owe at least that to ourselves, we must to try.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/lies-about-negative-people/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=SocialWarfare

Now, how about some happy stuff? :)

Album Review! Posture & The Grizzly - I am Satan

On Posture & The Grizzly’s latest record “I Am Satan” the band sounds at their most mature yet delivering earnest emotional moments, affected, sometimes very poetic lyrics and sweet melodies to spare, showcasing a bright production, sweet vocals and a very clean instrumentation.

When members of a well-stablished and experienced band decide to start a new side project, sometimes stepping out of the shadow of a more notorious project can be quite tricky, especially giving how obnoxious comparisons can be. In this context, many bands spend an entire career (and very often in vain) trying to figure out a way to come up with a truly representative set of songs that would finally separate them from just being “X band’s side project”.

Posture & The Grizzly feature members from their Connecticut pop-punk/emo collective fellows TWIABP and ever since I first checked them out, it’s been very hard for me not look at them as just some kind of TWIABP 2.0 only that less experimental and ambitious and while they’ve never sounded quite bad, they’ve always lacked, in my opinion, that sense of authenticity, so to say, necessary to justify listening to them in a world where TWIABP exists. However, on this new project the band seems to have found the right balance between wearing their roots and influences on their sleeve and crafting a distinctive sound.

The album’s opening track “I am Not a Real Doctor” is in reality the first part of a two-part song with a second version or rather part of it taking place right at the album’s end. From the very start the band sounds genuinely emotional, melancholic and contemplative and that’s definitely a deal closer here; this is definitely the best the band’s ever been at songwriting so far. It’s one of the hookiest songs on the album which makes it a perfect kick-off tune; plus, it’s also lyrically moving. Lines like “I swear you loved miracles but there’s no gods no disbeliefs; only evil caused by me” sound utterly honest and touching.

The album breezily develops into an insanely solid set of tracks starting with “Elliot”, followed by “Mandy”, “Raspberry Heart” and the rare instrumental passage that actually works well, “Shooting Sparks”. In fact, the album’s biggest downside is precisely that it never gets that consistent again. “Elliot” is definitely one of the record’s most interesting highlights thanks to some carefully played instrumentation and some reflective and a tad sorrowful lyrics (“Deleting pictures off your phone in hopes that they burn. You’re wishing your life was over, I’m wishing that I’d stay sober. Nothing can last forever”).

Tracks like “Mandy” and “Raspberry Heart” will surprisingly have you humming and singing along to lines as emotionally-driven as “Say you’ll never leave. Where’s my mind, deranged like a killer” or “Honestly I hope I don’t see you again unless we started over, so elated, so jaded”. By this time it’s clear the album’s is a very personal meditation on the inherent complexity of relationships, interpersonal problems and struggling with regrets and the past. “Shooting Sparks” works nicely as some kind of instrumental interlude showing good drumming and nice production.

The album drops down quality-wise on tracks like “The Undertow”  which doesn’t ever sound quite fleshed out, perhaps because of how short it is and how kind of generic the lyrics come off for some reason.  “Kill me” suffers from a similar problem although the lyrics are more stirring and the other instrumental passage, “Star Children”, feels completely unnecessary and brings nothing to the table.

“Acid Bomb” offers some intense (albeit too blunt at times) and very personal lyrics but musically it doesn’t seem to work out and it’s not because the band doesn’t sound fierce enough to match the lyrics because they do, but they clearly haven’t mastered that sort of post-hardcore inspired vocal style they try to recreate on that track so they sound rather flat instead.

However, some of the album’s most stellar moments take place during the album’s second half in the form of tracks like “Balloons as Hands” (“Let’s set this church on fire, take a sentiment of all we are is art in making”) and especially “Delete Me” a track as lyrically engaging (“The truth is that you don’t feel the same way about me that I felt for you, so leave; some things are supposed to stay together and all you could say, “Some things aren’t supposed to say together”) as it is musically enjoyable (the bass here sounds lovely). The album’s closing track dives further into the topics touched down on the album’s opener only that this time around with even more emotion and a more subdued, organic tone courtesy of some sweet acoustic guitar playing. The vocals are affected and very emotive and it’s a perfect ending for the album.

With this project Posture & The Grizzly prove that they have all the musical talent and the emotional sensibility to create records both worthy of well-deserved comparisons with bands like TWIABP and also capable of living on its own for its own merits. Sure, the album’s got its flaws (the second half of the album is sort of hit and miss) but the overall appeal of the album doesn’t suffer too much from that due to the band’s wide array of strengths and it confirms Posture & The Grizzly as an interesting talent to follow.

You can listen to the whole record in the link down below!

https://brokenworldmedia.bandcamp.com/album/i-am-satan

Album Review! JANK - Awkward Pop Songs

Philadelphia-based JANK’s debut LP is as full of pop culture references as it is a musical delight to listen to, which makes for an album honestly irreverent in every sense of the word. Sometimes the formula works and sometimes it doesn’t but most times it works, and by it works I mean prepare for a Cap’n Jazz, Unicorns and Fang Island infused emo ride unlike anything you’ve heard this year.

Bands who don’t take themselves seriously in the pop-punk, emo scene aren’t far from being a novelty; as a matter of fact, it’s one of the genre’s trademarks and sadly, that often results in some sort of Spartan band battle to see what band comes up with the campiest cringe-worthy line.  What happens is that ironically, many bands are so concerned with not taking themselves seriously that they become a parody of what they were trying to achieve in the first place and the line between what is funny and what is eye-rolling renders pretty damn blurry, pretty damn fast.

Saying Awkward Pop Songs is free of these faults would be a lie but saying those moments detract from the quality of the music presented on the majority of this album would be an even bigger lie because these guys definitely can put together some catchy, jazzy, brisk-paced songs with great skill. In terms of musicianship JANK are a true rarity in the genre because not only do they replicate the sound of their Kinsella inspired influences with wonderful craftiness but they also add some very welcomed variety to the mix by including some moments of pop-rock unpredictability that bring to mind acts like The Unicorns and Fang Island in a very good way.

The guitar work throughout the album is fantastic; it sounds fuzzy, dynamic, math-rock-ish and it’s got just the right dose of reverb. The drumming is very good; actually it’s more than very good, it’s surprisingly great for the genre, especially on tracks like “Caitlyn” and “Kentucky Castle”.  The production is definitely one the album’s positive notes too; everything sounds clean and crisp, the vocals are good, the bass sounds fantastic and everything seems neatly put together despite how chaotic things get at some points; let’s call it a beautifully controlled chaos.

The lyrical department makes this album stand out among countless bands out there desperately trying to do what JANK do so naturally here: being genuinely funny most part of the times; and how did they manage that? Simple, a taste for sharp pop culture and daily life observations many bands lack and a sense of sometimes head-scratching yet utterly laugh-inducing wackiness that keeps things entertaining pretty much all the way through. 

From the very opening track’s title, it is plain to see what you’re about to find here: lots of funny observations and clever oddities that provide most of the songs with real charm. The title of the song, “Ouran Highschool Toast Club” is a nod to a very well-known manga/anime series and it’s essentially comprised of weird, funny lines in the fashion of “I am not tall enough to ride Stratego libido. When will I take Finland in this game of risk?”.

What comes next is the album’s strongest set of songs, perhaps a bit too soon in the album but strong nonetheless. The track “Wut I Liek Abt U” will bring a few good smiling moments to anyone who doesn’t mind some good silliness with lines as irresistible as “Tell me your favorite kind of dinosaur so we can reenact their deaths or we can play 20 questions in different rooms or whatever you wanna do”. 

“Racecar Bed (Ft. Yung Goth Boi)” is probably the closest to being serious the bad gets on the entire record (“and I'm wasting time, worrying about who I can really count on and picking up a book is so goddamn straining on my eyes cuz I'm not reading for me, I'm reading for you”) and let’s not forget the title of the track is based on a Simpson’s reference. Spoiler alert: don’t expect anyone called “Yung Goth Boi” to show up anywhere here.

“Caitlyn” is a solid track with a real nice ending. The lyrics once again steal the show here once you realize the song is basically about having a date with an imaginary dog, which makes lines like “There's still so much to see and maybe if we're lucky we can stay up late and watch tv” ridiculously funny when you come to think about it.

The remaining songs are mostly very good.  The band gives a fine example of what not taking yourself seriously should be like in music like this with the song “J A N K” where at some point they unashamedly assert: “This is a rip off of a Title Fight song”.  The track “Kentucky Castle” is good and it also feels more “serious” in comparison to others, lyrically, while the song “Spilt to Bill” asides from having a title that’s an obvious joke reference on the band Built to Spill, it’s also got some of the album’s most cleverly funny passages. 

What is it that doesn’t work quite right here, then? Well, for one, the closing track “Vin Decent” is the weakest song, in my opinion and, frankly, it didn’t really do much for me lyrically or instrumentally. Then, of course, there’s a problem with the filler tracks that aren’t actually tracks but some sort of “joke tracks”. That’s JANK deliberately trying to be funny and not really succeeding at it.  “Loading Screen” sounds passable but it’s completely out of place and it abruptly breaks the super fun mood solidly built on the previous tracks whereas “The Hat Store” and “Weed is Tight” are the cheesy, forced, eye-rolling and do very little for the album.

However, looking past those aforementioned missteps, the vast majority of the album is refreshingly fun and funny, smartly self-aware and a real pleasure to the ears, full of jazzy-rock hooks, swift, nice melodies and a stellar production. Awkward Pop Songs might not be as crafty as it could’ve been but the band prove to be so good at what they do that it still makes for an infectiously humorous experience where imaginary dogs, anime references and songs about being sad and laughing at it coexist in perfect harmony all while sounding like a breezy, colorful musical mess.

You can listen to the whole record in the link down below!

https://ohnoitsjank.bandcamp.com/album/awkward-pop-songs

Brush Hour: Dutch Golden Age

I've always been interested in drawing, painting and other means of visual expression and it wasn’t until recently that I really started getting into painting and by getting into it I mean very modestly attempting to paint stuff by myself and as that was happening I discovered this sort of renewed love for painting, I started picking up on many details and it’s made me truly appreciate how beautiful and intense painting can be. Despite how good or bad you consider yourself at any kind of artistic expression my suggestion is just give it a chance and try doing something because first, it’ll be super fun and second, even if you don’t think you’re any good I can almost promise the experience itself will make your love for the art form of your preference grow stronger and that’s always a positive thing!

In the middle of this sort of sudden artistic inspiration, I found myself getting into sketching famous portrays originally immortalized by some of my favorite artists in painting and seeing how 90% of what I’d done were sketches of paintings by Rembrandt and Vermeer made me realize just how much I love the Dutch Golden Age and why it is probably my favorite artistic period. It’s actually fairly to see why it appeals so much to me as still lifes and portraiture are two of the coolest painting subjects for me and those two works of art reached a VERY high note during that period thanks to the work of prominent artistic figures like Rembrandt, Vermeer, van Utrecht and Hals (seriously, it was like the avengers of art at the time).

Vermeer was the creator of none other than Girl with a Pearl Earring, which is, hands down, one of my favorite paintings of all time. Technically speaking it is a tronie not a portrait but in all honesty very portraits are as good at being portraits as Girl with a Pearl Earring is despite being a tronie. There’s something so intriguing and mysterious about that girl; she’s wearing a turban and this sort of very unusual dress and the way she literally looks directly at the spectator’s eyes combined with her facial expression, done with ridiculous, otherworldly smoothness, it all makes for one of the most fascinating paintings ever made in terms of skill, delicacy and impact and it is my personal favorite Dutch Golden Age painting. Interestingly, in the 90’s it was found that the painting’s dark background was initially green but it eventually faded; and I say interestingly because to me that actually ended up enhancing the overall impact of the painting.

Rembrandt was a BEAST and he painted some of the craziest portraits ever. The Storm on the Sea of Galilee is an example of dynamism and emotion and Titus, as a Monk…well, I hardly doubt a better use of different tones and shades of brown has been seen; plus, the facial is expression is amazing. Frans Hals painted countless masterful portraits and to me his work deserves more recognition because he was unrealistically good at portraiture; one of the very best (Jester with a Lute is insane). In addition to that, there was also van Utrecht, whom I really admire when it comes to still lifes; he’s definitely the guy if you’re looking for some still life flowers and regarding that, his painting Flower Vase…well, you can’t really step still life flower painting up from that.

A special recognition must be given to Caravaggio in all this, though. Pretty much all of the greatest painters from the Dutch Golden Age drew a LOT of inspiration from him. Caravaggio’s influence was tremendous; he is easily one of the ten, perhaps five greatest painters of all time, in my opinion and his complete mastery of the chiaroscuro technique essentially redefined painting and paved the way for what was later known as the Golden Dutch Age; an artistic period exciting and inspiring like few others!